Talking to your partner about your fetish doesn’t have to be a strenuous ordeal. If your sex life is stellar, but your fantasy about hogtying your partner is still dominating your desires, it may be time to share your fetish with them.
Maybe you’ve been avoiding this conversation, waiting for the perfect moment to tell your partner that you fantasize about them choking you or about engaging in cock-and-ball torture. But try as you might, the perfect moment never comes.
If you have been looking to broach the subject of your fetish with your partner, but your nerves keep getting the best of you, it’s time for a new approach. With these three pieces of advice, divulging a guilty (or not so guilty) pleasure can be the beginning of an exciting new chapter in your sex life.
Introduce A New Sex Toy
Sometimes having some to show your partner – and to keep your hands occupied when you are feeling nervous – is the easiest way to get the conversation going. Buy a toy that speaks to your fetish: if you are a fan of domination, a remote controlled vibrator may be a fun item for you and your partner to play with.
If you are always dreaming about double penetration, buying a toy that you can use during sex with your partner (or while your partner watches) is a great way to fulfill your fantasy.
Remember, it doesn’t have to be a traditional sex toy either. For those with foot fetishes, offering to paint your partner’s toes with the nail polish they’ve been dying to get can be just as arousing.
Not only does having something to “play” with give you a talking point to start with, but having it gives the possibility of post-conversation activities you both can delight in as well.
Ease Your Partner Into Your Fetish
Being introduced to a new fetish can be uncomfortable. If that fetish is controversial – like age play – or potentially off-putting – like watersports – starting off small is best.
Especially if your partner finds they actually like your fetish, but their newfound love initially translates to embarrassment for them, easing into it can keep from scaring them off altogether.
Start by showing your partner how pleasurable your fetish can be. If you have a feeder fetish and you’d love nothing more than to see your partner fat and full, ask if you can feed your partner pieces of fruit or another yummy snack during sex.
They might not be down to jump into the stranger depths of your fetish, but helping them get their feet wet can be just as fun.
Be Aware That Your Partner May Not Be Into It
If you finally admit your fetish to your partner, and don’t receive the enthusiastic response you were hoping for, don’t fret. Part of opening up to your partner about your sexual needs is the real possibility that they may not be into it, and that is okay.
Perhaps you have a smoking fetish and you have always wanted to watch your partner riding on top of you as smoke billows out of their mouth toward your face. It might be an awesome fantasy, but your vehemently anti-smoking partner would obviously not be thrilled to try it immediately.
Tell them anyway. Being open about your fetish may not immediately earn you the food-play night or bukkake gang bang you’ve been fantasizing about, but it will increase trust, openness, and a willingness to explore more in the future.