Whether you are single and ready to mingle or have been in a committed relationship for almost a decade, know this: when it comes to making someone feel aroused and excited by your presence, your relationship status does not matter. People are people, which means if your behavior (or overall presentation) is off-putting to a person, it will probably offend them whether you’ve been with them for five years or you’re flirting at a bar at two in the morning.
Of course, you can’t please everyone, but there are certain things that are almost universal turn-offs. And, since being ‘irritated and disgusted’ is not the most efficient segue into panty-dropping romance, let’s just nip these four pussy-drying problems in the bud, shall we?
1. Put Real Effort Into Your Hygiene
Look, let’s be honest. There are a lot of folks out there who – for better or for worse – don’t shower every day. If my dentist is to be believed – and I think he’s a pretty upstanding guy – then many don’t floss or brush their teeth every day either.
And that’s just the body itself, that doesn’t begin to cover our often cluttered living spaces.
Now, I hate laundry as much as the next person. A lot. But all of that perfectly legitimate fury has to fall by the wayside when date night comes along.
Don’t let yourself take your significant other or your for-one-night-only partner for granted. Take off that t-shirt you’ve sweated through. Hop in the shower and use that soap that makes you feel like a model in a tropical paradise. Spritz on the cologne or perfume you received as a gift last Christmas.
Because when you feel good and refreshed, you can bet others will take notice.
2. Mind Your Manners
“But why should I worry about manners?” I hear you say. “I shouldn’t need to walk on eggshells. My partner should accept me for who I am!”
Very true. All valid points. But remember, when your goal is to make your partner swoon with desire, you reverting to caustic sarcasm whenever it suits your taste because “that’s your humor” may be working against you.
Don’t look at it like you need to be someone you aren’t. It’s not about that. Minding your manners – staying on the good side of your object of affection – is about showing them that you are a person they want to cuddle up to and kiss on in that moment.
So be courteous to your server at the fancy restaurant. Offer to do small things like pouring the wine for your partner. Keep your eyes from locking onto their crotch the whole night if you can help it. You know, enchant them with your attentiveness to their comfort.
3. Stop Ignoring the Elephant in the Room
Minding your manners alone won’t do shit if you are politely bringing up shit at the wrong time. If you know anything about the character Dr. Tobias Fünke from Arrested Development, you already have a pretty solid idea of what I’m talking about.
Pay attention when your partner says he has a headache, when your significant other says they’ve had a stressful day at work, or when they’re just not in the mood. Then – and this is the important part – prioritize their well-being over your arousal.
Don’t turn up your nose at them and start lamenting about how long its been since you had sex. Don’t keep trying to push the issue if they’ve already said no.
Your partner will appreciate the TLC and you will make their enthusiastic consent to lovemaking that much more likely in the future.
4. Don’t Make It About You
One of the most difficult lessons to learn is that you aren’t always doing something “wrong”. Sometimes, people are just antagonistic or they just don’t want to talk. Sometimes the sexy time you were looking forward to is just not going to happen.
And that is okay.
There are a host of things outside your control that may affect sex between your loved one or potential fling. Recognizing that fact is key in keeping yourself from lashing out at your partner, communicating with them about what you need, and finding solutions that can address both your sexual needs.